Weight loss in Dubai

It's time to get fit and shift those holiday pounds. But how? Discuss this article

© ITP Images

As a child I was dubbed ‘The Gannet’ (it’s a big bird that gorges itself silly on fish) by my family. Some might say that it was my daily scoffing of everything and anything (a tub of Pringles was a mere amuse bouche back then) that warranted such a distressing moniker. So, when the chance to eradicate any ‘chubster’ associations came along, I jumped – nay, leapt – at the chance.

Cue Laser Lipo, a procedure that promises to shave off inches in your lunch hour. There’s no anaesthetic or recovery time needed and it’s non-invasive – simply hop off the bed and throw on those skinny jeans. Sound too good to be true?

My therapist Katrina Valente gives me a few pre-warnings, reeling in any initial belief that I may, in fact, come out look like ’60s model Twiggy in her heyday. ‘This treatment accelerates the slimming process, but it only works long term if you maintain a healthy lifestyle and exercise regularly,’ she advises. ‘It works best on pockets of puppy fat around the waist and bustline.’ Katrina advises a minimum of an hour’s cardiovascular training a week and recommends Nairns oatcakes (available in Spinneys and wheat-free because they’re made of, er, oats) to curb any cravings.

Dreams mildly quashed, I lay back in the pristine realms of Jumeirah’s Medcare Hospital while Katrina inserts the ‘probe lasers’ on to my lymphatic glands. It’s all a tad personal as they’re located in the groin region, so there’s a moment of awkwardness as she aligns things, but I’m made of stern stuff, so only a mild giggle surfaces. Then it’s on to the fat busting ‘diode laser paddles’, which are placed on the ‘problem areas’ – so we’re talking love handles, bingo wings, moobs (man boobs) and cellulite, although you can pretty much have anything zapped. For me, it had to be the love handles, so Katrina strapped a diode on my booty, flicked a switch and hushed the occasional ‘relax’.

The feeling isn’t as extraordinary as I’d hoped for a machine that claims to ‘blast fat cells’, but I’m assured I’ll see a difference after a mere 10 minutes, so I wait. It’s a little like having a hot iPod strapped to you – the heat is apparently the key to pulverising the fat cells – but without the ’80s-inspired play lists.

The sci-fi gear is pulled off me as Katrina announces my first handle is done and dusted. Standing in front of the mirror, I’m surprised and mildly concerned that I look lopsided. It’s great on one hand because it means the treatment works, but worrying on the other because it accentuates the baggage on my other side. I scurry back to be for some blasting on the other side. It’s at this moment that I see how the Bride of Wildenstein (she resembles a plastic cat after one too many ‘procedures’) ended up in the dark place – this aesthetics malarkey is addictive.

As the other side starts melting into oblivion, Katrina gives me a blow-by-blow account on what’s actually going on behind the ‘diodes’. ‘The laser blasts fat cells, making them change their shape and release water, glycerol and free fatty acids,’ she says. ‘This allows the fatty acids to be released into the lymph [system] and flushed away by the liver.’ The official term for it all is ‘lypolysis’ and simply means breaking down fat cells. It all sounds good in my book.

After the first session I lost an impressive two inches from my muffin top (‘I’m a little disappointed,’ notes Katrina, who had hoped to see up to three inches) and left feeling less menopausal hippo and more divine goddess – minus the unsightly pen marks all over my body.

Inspired by hopes of adopting last year’s Body Con (as in body conscious) trend – it’s never too late in my book – I saw Katrina on a weekly basis and upped the ante on my five a day, including numerous superfoods such as blueberries, pomegranates and dates in my diet. By the eighth session, I’d slimmed down to a Kate Winslet-esque UK size 12 (I was verging on 14 before) and could sit down in jeans without worrying about that unsightly overhang. For someone looking to squeeze into the perfect wedding dress, it’s a winner and a great confidence booster for the big day.

Sadly, three months on all my hard work was somewhat obliterated as I failed to strap myself to the rowing machine and gradually got back on the Pringles. If I had continued to follow the routine, Katrina assures me, that supermodel-esque physique could have been within my grasp, but then, ‘The Gannet’ is a force to be reckoned with.

Laser Lipo is Dhs10,000 for eight sessions. Call Medcare Hospital on 04 407 9212 or go to www.laserlipo-bcs.com