We like big portion sizes. If it isn’t going to push our facial structure and stomach capabilities to their absolute limits, we don’t want to know. We’ve scoured the length and breadth of the Dubai to uncover the King Kongs of the burger world and the city came up trumps. Ready those appetites, there’s meat to eat.
6abooga at Blaze Burgers If you’re feeling brave (and hungry) then opt for the much talked-about 6agooba burger weighing in at 200g. Two grilled cheese sarnies (AKA fried bread toasties) surround two burgers, which are also stuffed with cheese, just for good measure. And if you can get past the undoubtedly huge calorie content, you’re sure to enjoy it. A cheese fest at its best. Dhs68. Open daily noon-2am. The Walk, opposite JBR (04 242 4523).
Beast Burger at Burger & Lobster This burger has got something that none of the other burgers can dream of – claws. Introducing, The Beast. And a beast it is. A 10oz (around 280g) beef burger and lobster tail piled high on a bun, with claws on either side. It’s topped with brie, truffle and tarragon mayo, fennel and Chinese cabbage with a side of fries. Not one for the faint-hearted but it’s the “beast” of both worlds, some might say… Dhs145. Open Sat-Wed, noon-midnight; Thu-Fri, noon-2am. Burj Daman Building, DIFC (04 514 8838).
Caveman Burger at Cook Hall The Caveman burger at Cook Hall is a 1.5kg monster composed of a 500g beef patty (stuffed with cheese), extra lashings of cheese on top, crispy bacon, guacamole, tomatoes, pickles and a fried egg, all wedged within a massive homemade burger bun. The finished artefact is as big as your head and, as you might imagine, it’s not for the faint-hearted. The belly buster is accompanied by a stack of crispy fries, just to tip you well and truly over the edge. If you’ve got a competitive streak you can even make a challenge out of it. Polish off the entire meaty brick in a 30-minute timeframe and you’ll get the burger for free. If you weren’t a Neanderthal to begin with, you might be by the time you’re finished. Dhs119 (for burger) Dhs129 (with fries). Open Sat-Wed, noon-1am; Thu-Fri, noon-2am. The Westin Dubai, Al Habtoor City (04 435 5577).
Daddy Burger at RIVA Ristorante VIVA’s new Daddy is big, beefy and a little bit scary. The massive burger is made with a pound of sizzling prime beef (that’s two burgers stacked up) and topped with veal bacon, fried eggs and gooey melted cheese. There’s also a scattering of onions, pickles and tomatoes and lettuce – because what kind of parent wouldn’t encourage you to eat your greens? Probably best left to hungry dads, however. Dhs135. Open daily 7am-midnight. RIVA Beach Club, Building 8, The Shoreline, Palm Jumeirah (04 430 9466).
Elevation Stack at Elevation Burger Elevation Burger lets you build your own personalised burger – with up to ten organic beef patties available to sandwich into any one towering stack. You can also decide on your own toppings including six-month aged cheddar, caramelized onions, oven-glazed mushrooms and beef bacon. All of the ingredients here are organic and free range, so you can feel good about what you’re doing for the environment, if not your body. From Dhs47 (three patties, every additional patty after that is Dhs10). Open 24 hours. Sheikh Zayed Road. Other locations include Dubai Mall and JBR, www.elevationburger.com.
Empire State Burger at Perry & Blackwelder’s It hails from the concrete jungle where dreams are made and it’s resemblance to a breeze block is uncanny. We’re talking about Empire State Burger at Perry & Blackwelder’s, an offering that could feed a small empire and leave a lone diner in a state. The 250g beef patty is loaded with cheddar cheese, pickles, onion rings, beef bacon and fried mozzarella sticks. It’s monumental, impressive and will undoubtedly require a mountain of napkins. Dhs131. Open Sat-Wed, noon-1.45am; Thi-Fri, noon-2.45am. Souk Madinat Jumeirah, Umm Suqeim (04 437 6063).
Jawbreaker at Catch 22 What’s better than a loaded beef patty? Well, a double stack of beef patties for a start. Lash on a couple of rashers of streaky beef bacon, a slathering of onion jam, a flourish of lettuce, a thick slice of tomato, pickles, white cheddar, American cheese and a dollop of burger sauce and you’ll be onto a Jawbreaker. Catch 22’s resident monster is then topped with statuesque onion rings and drizzled with cheese sauce before being slammed between a toasted burger bun. It may be a “jawbreaker” but you’ll have to get your chops around it first. Dhs76. Open daily noon-2am. The Beach, opposite JBR (04 424 3057).
Jawbreaker at Wavebreaker There’s a second Jawbreaker among the group and we aren’t sure which one we’re more scared of. This behemoth of a burger from Wavebreaker weighs in at two kilos and stands at a staggering 20cm. It’s basically Hulk Hogan in burger form, if that were possible. The burger comprises juicy prime beef patties, cheese, beef bacon, onions, guacamole and sauces. Dare you take it on? Dhs173, Dhs205 (with a drink). Open daily 10am-11pm. Wavebreaker, Hilton Dubai Jumeirah, JBR (04 318 2582).
Kat Kat at Kaftan The sheer volume of meat and melted cheese on this one has us quaking in our flip flops. But luckily we are rebels when it comes to comes to our food and wild horses can’t stop us from giving this messy-looking burger a try. The cheese-drenched offering stands at 14cm in height and consists of two Angus beef patties and a load of pickles between a suprisingly slim burger bun. You might need to renew that gym membership after tackling this one, however. Dhs60. Open daily 9am-1am. La Mer, Jumeirah 1 (04 344 6288).
McGettigan’s’ 32oz burger You’d do well to loosen your belt a few notches for this one. This burger consists of 32oz (around 900g) of meat, bread and cheese, including four sets of burger buns, minced beef patties, optional streaky bacon, tomato relish, Boston lettuce, red onion, sweet pickle, deep-fried onion rings, cheddar cheese and jalapeño peppers with a side of fat chips and a healthy dollop of coleslaw. As you might have guessed, there’s also a challenge to be undertaken, should you be mad or hungry enough to accept it. Polish off the tower of meat within 32 minutes and eternal glory awaits. You’ll get a victory photo and your name listed on the McGettigan’s website as well as getting your meal for free. Fail and you’ll be weighing up Dhs210, plus whatever you’ve added to your body mass index. The current record stands at 29 minutes and 38 seconds, so while it is improbable, it’s not completely impossible. Dhs210. Available at McGettigan’s Souk Madinat Jumeirah, JLT and DWTC, www.mcgettigans.com.
Mighty Burger at Mighty Quinn’s The Mighty Burger is different from the other burgers. The Angus beef patty is topped with a mound of smoked beef brisket, a dollop of slaw, a scattering of pickles, and sandwiched between a potato bun, uniting carb with carb in perfect harmony. There’s also lashings of the southern barbecue joint’s special smoky sauce and a plate of fries. We are suddenly mightily hungry. Dhs82 (plus VAT). Open Sat-Wed 10am-12am; Thu-Sat 10am-1am (Dubai Mall); Sun-Wed 11am-1am; Thu-Fri 10am-1am; Sat 9am-1am. The Beach, opposite JBR and The Dubai Mall, Downtown Dubai, www.mightyquinsbbq.com.
Signature burger at Stars ’N’ Bars This mammoth offering from the newly opened Stars ’N’ Bars in beachside spot La Mer in Jumeirah gets proceedings at the eatery off to a cracking start. The all-American restaurant at La Mer has a spectacular menu and the signature burger could give any of the beasts on this list a run for their money. Shredded lettuce, frizzled onions, sriracha honey-glazed bacon, jalapeños, pepper jack cheese and red chilli mayo are sandwiched in a massive black charcoal bun. It looks intimidating, but definitely in a good way. Dhs85. Open Sun-Thu 10am-3am; Fri-Sat 10am-3am. La Mer, Jumeirah 1, www.starsnbars.ae.
The Beast at CLAW BBQ The Beast is a 5.2lb (around 2.4kg) bad boy burger topped with lettuce, tomatoes, onion rings and pickles with a side of chilli cheese fries just to tip you well and truly over the edge. There’s also a food challenge here, should you choose to accept it. You’ll be required to finish the Beast in 45 minutes, preferably without any sobbing, screaming or gnashing of teeth (unless it’s around the burger). Those who manage to complete the challenge will get their food for free and be safe in the knowledge that their sheer physical being is something to be marvelled at. Dhs295. Open daily noon-2am. Souk Al Bahar, Downtown Dubai (04 432 2300).
The Monster at Copper Dog It might be served up at Dubai’s resident Scottish bar, though this one hails more from the US of A. The Monster composes a 400g beef patty, fried chicken, bacon, avocado, romaine lettuce, fried eggs, Portobello mushroom, tomatoes, jalapeños, sliced cheese, mustard mayo, Buffalo sauce and onion rings in a homemade burger bun, which sounds delicious, though you might need to eat it from a trough. Plus, wolf down the monster, a mountain of fries and a pint of cola in under 30 minutes and you’ll get the burger for free. Sounds easy enough to us (ahem). Dhs199. Mondays 5pm-2am. DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel Dubai – Jumeirah Beach, JBR (04 5595355).
The Texan at Black Tap Those Texans love their meat – and so do we. The Texan burger, then, was always going to be a meaty one. From the trendy New York burger chain, you can expect quality as well as quantity with this one. Topping the prime beef burger is more beef – in bacon form – crispy onions, aged cheddar cheese and barbecue sauce. We plan on galloping down to Black Tap on our trusty steeds full pelt (i.e. getting an Uber). We’ll be the ones in a Stetson. Dhs100. Open Sat-Wed 11am-midnight; Thu-Fri 11am-12.30am. Jumeirah Al Nassem, Umm Suqeim (04 422 9904); Rixos Premium Dubai, JBR (04 399 9076).
Wagyu burger from Western Steak House The signature wagyu Burger is the equivalent of an Eton toff. It’s from good stock, considerably well put together and facing it is somewhat of an initiation. The double deck wagyu patty is topped with glazed mushrooms, beef bacon, caramelized onions, aged cheddar cheese and topped with fried eggs. It comes with a helping of homemade steak fries and David Cameron is a big fan. Also one of those statements is a lie. Dhs110. Open daily 5pm-midnight. Crowne Plaza Dubai, Sheikh Zayed Road (04 331 1111).