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1 ‘At Emirates Palace for another work conference. Houmous for nothing and my grits for free.’

2 ‘Loving my new Longchamp bag. Someone stop me buying designer handbags!’

3 ‘Just looked outside and saw people jet-skiing in the marina. I want a piece of the action!’

4 ‘Love those mornings when you wake up with brilliant realisations. Realisations like, YES, thanks to Eid it’s a four-day weekend.’

5 ‘Can’t believe how cheap the champagne is at these events. How do people live like this?’

6 ‘Starting to get bored of beach parties. I mean, every weekend?’

7 ‘Annoyed because the air conditioning is just too cold, my takeaways sometimes take half an hour to arrive and my bed is too big. We’ve all got problems...’

8 ‘Trying to remember what it’s like to be cold. I honestly can’t remember!’

9 ‘Can’t sleep. Someone suggested I count camels.’

10 ‘Nauseous from ODing on foie gras-wagyu burgers. Seriously, are these brunch buffets trying to kill me?‘

11 ‘Fed up of being picked up by friends in a Hummer. Does no one drive any other motor around here?’

12 ‘Lounging by yet another five-star pool. And annoyed because the Wi-Fi isn’t working. Sigh…’

13 ‘I’m in the new pad. Sea views from every room. The breakfast table doubles up as my office half the time.’

14 ‘Wondering what the actual point of having a Porsche is if the traffic is this bad.’

15 ‘Getting bored of repeatedly going back to the Mercedes garage to find the tiny car part I need has STILL not been shipped over here from Japan. ARGH!’