Besides, I think I’ve confessed worse things on the pages of this magazine.
Over the years I remember telling Time Out’s readers about a bird pooping on my head, falling down an escalator, being bullied by a cockroach, buying a sport thong, sniffing my neighbour’s toilet, some questionable table manners and even scorching my behind in the shower.
And never once have I felt judged. You’re an understanding bunch. So here goes.
Before I go on, I want to say, I know this is not what most people call normal behaviour and paying for something like this is not something I ever thought I would do. But I’ve always wondered what it would be like and finally I cracked. It was late one night, I’d had a long day at work and I saw the phone number offering the service so I just called up and waited for the ride of my life.
On an in-mall taxi.
Perhaps you’ve seen them before? I am talking about the little buggies that drive people around from store to store inside The Dubai Mall. I’ve always been cynical about them. They’re a fantastic service for the very elderly, the frail or the infirm, but to anybody who can move without a wheelchair they always seemed to me to be a little lazy. If you’re well enough to shop, you’re, well, actually just that.
So whenever I’ve looked on and seen able-bodied and seemingly spritely people climbing on board and being transported through the mall on the back of a buggy, I have fallen helplessly and instantly in hate with them.
Don’t pretend you haven’t done the same. But like the people who travel first class on an aeroplane or valet park in a shopping mall, there has always been a lingering shred of jealousy behind my dislike. Taking an in-mall taxi is not inherently wrong and if you can put up with the stares and the judging from mere pedestrians then why not do it? There really is no reason – especially in a shopping centre as enormous as The Dubai Mall – not to. It actually makes sense.
That’s what I told myself as I started my journey through the mall. People do look at you in a different light when you’re chauffeured around a shopping mall. But I tell you what; they soon hop out of the way when you beep the horn.