Onesies, cold swimming pools, sports cars in traffic jams and more of life's disappointments
10 Onesies Anybody who has ever tried to sleep in a onesie knows they’re up there with Dhs40 coffees and adult scooters as one of the great lifestyle scams of the modern age. Once you admit that nobody over the age of three could possibly look good in a furry, all-in-one body suit, you have to assume that the bold claims about their comfort must be true. So, in good faith and in the name of cosiness, you consent to dress up like a giant teddy bear. We defy anybody to survive more than an hour before the constant itches, readjustments and hot flushes force you into changing back into normal clothing.
9 Sports cars Seeing a Ferrari in a traffic jam is like bumping into a celebrity buying milk at a discount supermarket. Deep down you know it probably happens, but seeing it first-hand is strangely deflating.
8 New messages We’re optimists. Our glass is half full and there are two unopened bottles waiting to top it up if we’re thirsty for more. So, when a phone pings in our pocket the possibilities are endless about what the message contains. A compliment from an admirer? An invitation to a party? Congratulations from a boss? When you open it up and it’s a spam message from your local takeaway offering buy-one-get-one-free pizza, you can’t help but feel your bubble burst. An hour later, when you’re home alone eating two pizzas and wondering why you never go to parties or meet new people, try not to get your hopes up when the phone pings again. It’s probably just your boss saying you need to be in early tomorrow.
7 Near misses Nothing will make you question natural justice more than the person you let cut in line at the airport being given a free upgrade. While you sit scrunched up between a sweating tourist and hyperactive baby they’re probably up front in a hot tub, or whatever it is they do on the other side of the curtain.
6 Shocks Jumping into a very cold swimming pool on a very hot day is like being given a book token in a jewellery box. You get your hopes up by anticipating how good it’s going to be, then reality hits and you’re left gasping for breath and trying to work out how long you need to smile before you can escape and hide under a towel.
5 Waiting It is hard to imagine now, but before video on demand and streaming TV series, they actually had to wait an entire week before watching the next episode of a show. Crazy, isn’t it? Put another way, if you found a show you liked it was often five months before you could see the finale. We can never go back to those times.
4 Kitchen trouble No dish will ever taste as good as the one a waiter just told you is not available today. That, you will convince yourself, is exactly what you wanted and nothing else will come close. See also: The feeling of hurt you have when somebody puts empty chocolate wrappers back into the box to trick you into raising hopes about availability.
3 Underappreciation We’ve never been the head of an empire or the rulers of a Mafia-style crime family so we don’t know how it feels to order bloodthirsty revenge against former friends and loyal acquaintances. But we’re pretty sure it’s a frustrated disappointment similar to the one we feel when we make a great joke on social media or in a group chat and it doesn’t get any acknowledgement or love.
2 Poor judgement When you join the shorter of two queues it can seem like society is singling you out for cruel and unusual punishment when the line next door speeds up and you’re stuck behind the person who decides to pay for a weekly shop in one dirham coins.
1 Wrong direction There are two sorts of people in the world. First, there are those who realise they are in a lift going up when they want to be going down and realise their mistake and get out at the next floor. They intercept a problem head-on and deal with it. Then there are the people who realise it but continue to go on a 40-storey round trip waiting for the lift to empty rather than publicly admit their error.