‘I love Clarkson, I really do. I like how he’s opinionated and often wrong about things, but won’t accept it. I see a lot of myself in him, especially the fact that he’s ungainly and tall.’
He’s hoping to be found guilty of murdering his wife…
‘In the US there’s a guy called Calvin Harris who’s been on trial for the past two-and-a-half years for murdering his wife – it’s been re-trialled three times. He went down two months ago, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Then one of the jurors goes, “Oh, I met him a week ago and he was a nice guy. Sorry, we’re going to have to retrial again.” I was raging.’
He might have been a footballer if he wasn’t cursed with the wrong hair.
‘I was quite into football – I wanted to be like [former Liverpool and Real Madrid player] Steve McManaman, on the left wing, with curly hair. But I never had curly hair, so I got into music. If I’d had curly hair, things would’ve been different.’
‘Oxford Street is the worst street in the world. A fast lane would change lives. It’d make a lot of people less angry. I get so angry walking down Oxford Street – anger that I didn’t even know existed just pours right out of me.’
One of the best days of his life was reading that he was dating Kylie…
‘It was a full page in [tabloid rag] News Of The World. It’s the only thing that I’ve ever cut out of a newspaper and kept.’
…but he didn’t deal with it very well.
‘I got frightened and denied it quickly. If I’d been sensible I’d have just left the ‘are-they-aren’t-they’ rumours hanging, at least until my single had come out. But I panicked and ruined everything.’
He loves E. Numbers, that is...
‘I’m a big fan of E numbers and junk food. It’s not supposed to be healthy. They’re taking all the bad stuff out of Wotsits and Pot Noodles and turning them into these “healthy snacks”. No! No one on a healthy diet is going to go, “Well, now it’s time for my packet of crisps.”’
… but he’s worried about Pringles.
‘Because they’re so addictive. I’m a control freak, so I don’t like to think that I’m not in control of my movements.’
He doesn’t want to meet his heroes
‘I’m a massive fan of [British absurdist comedian] Harry Hill, but I’d be quite trepidacious to meet him because I’d make a fool of myself. I wouldn’t ever approach him because it’d end in tears. My tears.’
Calvin Harris’s latest, ‘Ready For The Weekend’, is available in stores.