Palm Grill

Palm Grill’s pianist, who we’d been looking forward to seeing perform, played for a grand total of 45 seconds during our meal Discuss this article

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With deadpan monotony, the man at the table opposite ours spoke slowly to his female companion: ‘I’ve been very naughty. Very naughty indeed. I’ve been a very naughty boy.’

Strange things happening on this side of the Creek are to be expected, but we were nevertheless surprised to witness such deviance in a respectable steakhouse. Thankfully, the misbehaving English gent didn’t proceed to crawl around the floor of the restaurant barking like a dog to the crack of his tablemate’s whip. Instead, he shovelled a large slice of chocolate cake between the lips of his grin, took a swig of expensive wine, and apologised again for the sheer uncouthness of his overeating.

If it’s naughty to demolish large quantities of food, then we too should be disciplined. But what punishment fits the crime of the truant? Palm Grill’s pianist, who we’d been looking forward to seeing perform, played for a grand total of 45 seconds during our meal. We were at the restaurant for two-and-a-half hours and stayed until 11pm, yet all we saw of the advertised live music was a jazzy rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ before the elusive ivory tinker escaped through a door stage right.

The fireplace next to our table was fake – video screens only generate limited heat – but the dancing flames in the kitchen were determinedly real and helped distract us from the lack of entertainment. This view into the kitchen, and of chefs using huge quantities of butter and cream in many of the dishes, reaffirmed that we were gluttons for punishment. But if overeating exhibitionists and vanishing pianists couldn’t put us off our meal, what difference should the sight of a few extra calories make?

An unusual yet highly successful combination of nan bread with goose liver pate paved the way for solid starters – mine a lightly-dressed shrimp cocktail lorded over by two mammoth crustaceans; my friend’s a flavourful fluffy-then-gooey salmon soufflé. My grilled Dover sole had been cooked perfectly – a sweet, svelte and subtle fillet of fish, served with lemon butter sauce and baby roast potatoes. It was very good, but paled in comparison next to my friend’s perfect Australian filet mignon steak. An initial prod into the brownish surface revealed its slice-like-butter tenderness, while further investigation unveiled a perfect pinkness and then a deep bloody red centre. A downpour of juiciness accompanied every memorable bite. A hearty helping of potato gratin, caramelised rings of onion, sautéed mushrooms and buttery stalks of asparagus completed the feast.

While my soufflé unleashed a delinquent kick of Grand Marnier, my friend’s chocolate toffee cake, that same felonious dessert that had our neighbour confessing his crimes earlier in the evening, was dull and predictable – a misdemeanour that can’t be levelled at our neighbours, the vanishing pianist, or the exquisite food.

The bill (for two)
Bottle chartron rouge Dhs160
Evian Dhs24
Shrimp cocktail Dhs60
Salmon soufflé Dhs40
Sole Dhs160
Australian filet mignon 300g Dhs210
Caramelised onions Dhs20
Grilled asparagus Dhs20
Sautéed mushrooms Dhs20
Fudge cake Dhs30
Grand Marnier soufflé Dhs35
Total (including service) Dhs779

• Previous reviews
  • 30 March,2009- reviewed by Time Out Dubai staff
  • 26 March,2008- reviewed by Time Out Dubai Staff
  • 17 October,2007- reviewed by TimeOut Dubai Staff
  • 12 March,2007- reviewed by Time Out Dubai Staff
  • 30 April,2006- reviewed by Time Out Dubai
  • 01 May,2004- reviewed by Rob Orchard

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