Unfortunately, splendid views aside, there is precious little of value. Waitrons urge you to order within seconds of boarding and repeatedly interrupt the meal with enquiries as to patrons’ well-being – well meaning but executed with an absolute lack of tact.
The menu, of vaguely international bent, offers a choice with little to intrigue or excite. With starters ranging from a wedding-buffet-esque beetroot and peach-roasted smoked salmon, to a truly ghastly flabby foie gras, the best one can say is that the kitchen cannily lowers expectations for what is to follow. This proves a sound policy, given the sheer mass-produced disappointment of the sirloin of beef, a sponge-like slab of pinkish grey, while the lamb is tough and soulless. Enjoy the views, take pictures on the upper deck, forget about the food – as Bateaux Dubai so evidently has – and you’ll be fine.