10 things we never want to see again in Dubai

Time Out Dubai pokes fun at some of the sillier aspects of life in Dubai, from foam parties, selfies, Justin Beiber and the summer.

10 The term “night-time brunch”
It’s a meal combining the best elements of breakfast and lunch so there is no excuse to ever refer to an evening meal as a “brunch”. This shouldn’t be that hard. We’re prepared to accept that Dubai has appropriated the word and made it much more than a late brekkie, but there must be a better use of language when serving food at night. What’s wrong with calling it a buffet, or just plain dinner? Just so we’re clear – the terms “brinner” and “brupper” are not viable solutions and are never to be used in conversation.

9 Urban adventurers
Our social timelines have been filled in recent months with pictures and videos of Dubai daredevils dangerously dangling over the edge of skyscrapers or bouncing perilously along the walls of enormous tower blocks, and we don’t like it. It’s not that we’re scared of heights or queasy. Actually, it’s precisely because we’re scared of heights and queasy so just stop it, okay? If you have the extreme gene, go to New Zealand or Colorado and leap off a mountainside, but quit the tower hopping before someone gets hurt.

8 Litter in the desert
Sand dunes and wadis are, make no mistake about this, beautiful. Camping in the desert and seeing mile upon mile of rolling red, yellow and orange dunes is one of the great joys in life. Having to pick out shredded carrier bags, drinks cans, coat hangers, (seriously?) and fast food wrappers (you came all the way out here to drop this stuff?) before taking a picture is not acceptable. If you’re out there, don’t make a mess.

7 People being rude to waiters
We’re sorry to say we’ve witnessed finger-clicking, hollering, humiliation and, on occasion, even physical violence directed towards front-of-house staff in Dubai restaurants. If you have a complaint then complain, but don’t be rude. We’d never believe that the professional Dubai staff are going to make an urban myth come true by spitting in your food when you’re not looking, but there’s a good chance we will, so behave.

6 The summer
Some like it hot, others like it hotter, but nobody is enjoying themselves when the mercury is pushing 50°C. Keeping sunglasses in the fridge to give forehead and ears a chance to stay cool is not a lifestyle choice we enjoy making.

5 Selfie contests
A promotion asking us to post a selfie and win, like the messages we used to receive to invite us to a spontaneous flash mob in a fortnight’s time, represent the scraping of a barrel. We like snapping pictures and sharing moments as much as the next person, but surely we’ve reached “selfie peak” now and can point cameras at somebody or something else for a little while.

4 Speeding supercars
You’ve got a fast car, have you? It can go from zero to 100kmph in less than three seconds, can it? That’s great. We’ll see you at the next traffic light in precisely 25 seconds, after we’ve safely and legally got there without revving
the engine louder than a jumbo jet. We absolutely love your supercar, but would appreciate it a lot more if it wasn’t such a blur when it whizzes by.

3 Foam parties
Opinion is divided in Time Out Towers on this. There is a minority (of one as it happens) who think that being covered with soapy suds, getting clothes sodden, slipping on a dancefloor and generally behaving like a little yellow rubber duck is about as appealing as going to a restaurant and being forced to eat dinner in a cold bath. The other side of the argument didn’t volunteer to write this so their claims of fun will never be heard.

2 A lack of change
Shopkeepers take note – you have to expect customers are going to come in and buy things. Not all will have the exact change, so if you could stock up on coins and notes that would be most helpful. We accept that some stores run out and accidents happen but we’re suspicious of the serial offenders that run out frequently and have the foresight to lay out sweets instead of giving us cold, hard currency.

1 Justin Bieber
Baby, baby, baby? No, no, no! Don’t hurry back Biebs.

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