10 Is your A/C permanently set to 15°C or 35°C?
All this really does is take a weather conversation indoors, but no topic divides a Dubai room like the A/C. Give or take a few points, we’ve noticed that most people have the temperature permanently set to around 25°C. If you want to see what anarchy looks like, suggest to people it be permanently moved ten degrees hotter or colder and just watch what happens.
9 Luxury yacht or private jet?
Besides the fact that this is the kind of city where you might be talking to people who have to make that “difficult” choice, it is another question that divides a room. Would you rather be confined to a plane that can, however, take you anywhere in the world, or aboard a luxury boat that can host parties, make weekend excursions and be a cool hobby, but is limited to local waters?
8 How much money would you take to be stranded on one of The World islands for a year?
Basic food is dropped off each morning and you get a tent with a large supply of books and fuel for a fire, but other than that, you are stranded and alone for 365 nights. Would you do it for double your salary? For a million dirhams? Would you, instead, pay somebody else for the privilege and enjoy the peace and quiet?
7 How much CAN you actually eat?
Sporty people can tell you exactly how fast they run, rich people know what is in their current account and clever people cling onto their IQ like a comfort blanket. But for the serial bruncher, there is no measurement for them to talk about. Next time you’re at a restaurant, just keep eating until you can’t physically move. Count the number of spoonfuls (it is the only way to keep this standard, and you’re eating until you pop so don’t pretend like you care what people think of you) and that is your new record. Share it with the next person who tells you they can bench press 140kg and ask them who is really pushing themselves to the limits.
6 Would you rather dine at a fancy restaurant with a colleague who annoys you but picks up the bill, or eat tasteless, lukewarm street food with a friend?
Or to put it another way, just how shallow are you?
5 Who would you rather be stuck with?
Choose three people, either casual acquaintances or celebrities, and order them in terms of who you would most like to be stuck in traffic with for three hours, who you would choose to be stuck in a lift with overnight and who you would want to be stuck working late in the office with. Each circumstance comes with its challenges so choose carefully.
4 If you were in a Dubai music group, what would you call them and your first album?
Up The Creek by Abra? Dripping With Juice by Shawarma Rapper Crew? I Can See my House from Here by Skydive? Same, Same But Different by Souk Patrol? Behind the Velvet Rope by The Concept Lounge All Stars?
3 Starter or dessert?
You’re obviously having a main course, but if you can only have one other served would you go sweet or savoury? How you answer probably says a lot about who you are. There is no right or wrong, but if you disagree with us, we will judge you forever.
2 What was the last thing you did that you are truly proud of?
Some people will answer this question with tales of achievement, perseverance and kindness. If you are somebody who takes care and pays attention, we salute you. Most of us, however, are lazy, selfish, extravagant wastrels. Even if you are only doing good things just to make your answer to this question more interesting, that is a start.
1 What are your five favourite ways to cook an egg?
1) Poached 2) Omelette 3) Fried 4) Scrambled 5) Boiled. Actually, this could get violent. Better play it safe and stick to talking about the weather instead.
Will Milner is a regular contributor. He is really bad at small talk. And big talk. Actually, just don’t talk to him.