Are you an expat bore?

We've found the top 25 things that mean you've been Dubai-ed. Fact. There's no escaping it


1... you can make your way around five different malls without a map. have friends from 10 different countries.

3... you can tell as soon as there’s a sand storm a’comin’.

4... the taxi driver knows where you’re going.

5... letters in local newspapers no longer seem like the rantings of the insane.

6... you’ve stopped complaining about people tailgating you in the fast lane, and started complaining about people driving too slowly in the fast lane.

7... it’s not a belly, it’s the Dubai stone.

8... you can recite the recorded Arabic welcome message from the RTA taxi number, word for word, and with a flawless accent.

9... you say the summer ‘isn’t that hot.’

10... you look round the lobby of a five-star hotel and yawn.

11... you get excited and dance around whenever it rains.

12... you don’t know how to clean your own apartment.

13... you feel ‘the fear’ when someone suggests the all-day brunch at Waxy O’Conner’s.

14... you know that ladies’ nights are actually all full of blokes.

15... you need both hands to count the number of international music acts you’ve seen this year.

16... you find it a real challenge to paint your own nails.

17... you can’t stop checking the exchange rates between the dirham and your home country’s currency – and you’ve actually managed to send some money home.

18... you’ve forgotten how to fill up your car with petrol.

19... you don’t know when you last walked more than 100 metres in one go.

20... you’ll only attempt a drive across town on a Friday morning (when there’s no traffic).

21... Al Mallah/Al Hallab/another Lebanese eatery is on your mobile’s speed dial.

22 ... you consider anything below 30° to be ‘cardigan weather’.

23... you think Ski Dubai is a perfectly normal concept.

24... you consider your doorman as one of your mates.

25... you’ve heard the same Dubai urban myths from 10 different people.

And you know someone’s definitely not a Dubai resident when…

1... they’re petrified of Sheikh Zayed Road.

2... they don’t know what baba ganoush/tabouleh/fatoush is.

3... they’re shocked at the idea of getting a cab from one side of the road over to the other.

4... they get their Burj’s confused (Al Arab and Dubai, that is).

5... they’ve been on the Big Bus Tour – and know more about Dubai than actual expats.
Got some more ideas for The List? Email them to

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