1 Do you buy your milk at the New Gold Souk?
2 Do you see maids walking someone else’s dog for them?
3 Do you get a cab to go 200m because you need to stay dry – from your sweat?
4 Do you only use your jacket when sitting in the cinema?
5 Do you not go to the beach because it’s the summer and therefore TOO sunny?
6 Do you go 11 months without seeing rain, but still complain during the four wet days?
7 Do you feel guilty for ‘only’ doing a nine-hour day.
8 Is your local pub a five-star hotel.
9 Do you pay a woman to do your nails for you on a weekly basis? And you’re male.
10 Is it cheaper to get a takeaway delivered than to buy the ingredients in some supermarkets?
11 Are bottles of local water cheaper than they are in rain-sodden Europe – despite the fact we’re in a desert?
12 Are you still unsure how much those coins that aren’t one dirhams are worth?
13 Do you accept sweets instead of small change from shopkeepers?
14 Do you get offended when people don’t speak English, even though the national language is Arabic?
15 Do you tell five people ‘I’m fine thank you’ within two minutes of stepping into a shop or restaurant?
16 Do you feel like taxi drivers are in a competition to see who can drive closer to the next person’s tailgate?
17 Are fish and chips now considered an expensive treat?
18 Is summer a dirty word?
19 Do you actually have arguments with people about the ‘best’ mall?
20 Do you take a picture of anything ‘old’?
21 Can you hold a conversation on the pros and cons of various five-star hotels?
22 Will you and all your friends confess your love for a vaguely popular, probably best forgotten pop star when they arrive here for a show?
23 Have you got a better chance of seeing a premiership footballer than a tramp?
24 Is there a building over there that wasn’t there yesterday?
25 Can you not move for Chanel handbags?
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