Quantum bioanalysis

Hannah Lewis discovers the practical benefits behind this rather scary-sounding diagnostic therapy

Tried & tested

The box in front of me is unremarkable aside from a few wires sprouting from it, but it is apparently about to give me a full body check (‘bioanalysis’) via methods I don’t understand (‘quantum’). Confusing, yes, but the doctor explains that every atom and every particle has an electrical energy. Everything made of particles, the human body included, is therefore charged with energy and we all have electrical fields around us that are as unique as fingerprints.

Before I know it, wires are attached to my wrists and ankles and a fetching band is secured around my head. As far as I can gather (and I apologise to any scientists reading this), the machine reads my basic frequency, stores it, then bounces it back at me, along with other frequencies, to read the function of my body. The process is painless and seems simple, but it’s claimed this box is changing the face of naturopathy, and my doctor is a pioneer.

A list of results is compiled after 10 minutes. Apparently my body is not absorbing protein successfully, my digestive system is sluggish, I have the flu virus in my system, and a poor liver function suggests indulgence in things I already know I should avoid. This all adds up, but could easily be based on assumptions about my lifestyle. Yet as the list goes on, I feel eerily impressed. He suggests my skin may suffer from frequent allergic reactions, yet I was encouraged to say very little about my general health before the procedure, so the fact that the machine has picked up on my inability to use certain soap, shampoo and deodorant impresses me.

Next up is a quick session of electric therapy to my adrenal glands: this involves the same process as the bioanalysis, but is said to actively help, not just diagnose. I don’t feel a difference, but the general consensus among the few people I know who are familiar with quantum mechanics is that the theory makes sense. In much the same way that MRI uses magnetic fields to produce images of internal organs, this box could feasibly use electrical currents to read and even alter the function of my body at an atomic level. I am almost sold.
Quantum bioanalysis is available at Synergy Integrated Medical Centre (04 348 5452); Dhs800 for 75 minutes.

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