The secret of eternal youth?

Paul Clifford is starting to look very, very, very old and he doesn't like it

Whether it’s Peter Pan, the Nazis in Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail, or Jocelyn Wildenstein (look her up if you dare) the worlds of literature, celebrity and entertainment are littered with people who want to stay young. With countless magazine and internet articles telling us how to achieve ‘that youthful look’ or stave off old age, there’s more pressure than ever for people to try and achieve the impossible. Also concerned about my advancing years, or more specifically the rapid deterioration of my body, this week I read tips from a doctor on how ten minutes of simple exercises a day can keep us all youthful.

These exercises are all perfectly easy to do and don’t sound daft in the slightest, and remember, by completing them, you’ll stay young forever. The first one is easy – stand on one leg while brushing your teeth. The advice I read doesn’t mention it, but I’d say alternate from leg to leg each time. Otherwise one will shrivel up and the other will look like you’ve stolen it from Heidi Klum – they’re insured for US$1 million (Dhs3,673,149) each, apparently.

Next, stand behind your sofa and grab it, keep your legs apart and sink down, bending your hips and knees, and repeat ten times. This could be useful when watching a scary movie – make sure you coordinate the dips with the most terrifying scenes. This will also do your nerves the world of good. Also advised is making windmill movements with your arms. This is even better if you make aeroplane noises and run around a park. Another tip to improve suppleness is to kneel on the floor, which, so the doctor says, can be done while listening to The Archers. Now I don’t think The Archers will make you feel young – try swapping it for The Kris Fade Show.
I could go on, but in a city like Dubai, I’ve found it’s easy to stay young. As far as keeping fit goes, we’re blessed with any number of gyms and fitness clubs that offer the latest, cutting-edge classes and technology with highly qualified coaches and personal trainers, and if you’re too lazy for that, there’s always the option of cosmetic clinics and plastic surgery. And there are so many clubs, bars and events that cater to people of all ages, it’s possible to party like you’re 21 every night of the week. Perhaps the best advice is to be positive, keep trying new things, remember to be yourself and keep friends around you who do the same. After all, as Captain Hook said, growing up is such a barbarous business.

Paul Clifford is our guides and supplements editor. He doesn’t look a day over 20, apart from on Sunday mornings.

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