The queen bee in the mothering hive, designer-clad JJ is unfailingly immaculate. Her hectic social life makes her too busy to work, but her son, Jasper, is always puzzled when people refer to Jane as his mummy – the live-in maid is far more of a mother figure to him than JJ will ever be.
My toddler keeps banging his head. He started walking early and, now at 16-months, he runs everywhere. But his balance isn’t very good and he falls over constantly. Last week he cracked his nut at least four times and I even had to take him for a CAT scan. Please help. Rachel, Al Garhoud
Jumeirah Jane says: Sweetie, this kind of stress is absolutely no good for your frown lines – and, dare I say it, is probably eating into valuable gym/yoga class time. However, your tot needs to take care of that brain of his (how else is he going to get into Harvard?) and knocking it about is hardly helpful. He’s too young to reason with – and frankly darling, talking tot damage control with him is unlikely to have the desired effect. I suggest you take the practical approach and invest in a crash helmet. There are some super ones available on the market – customised with all sorts of darling designs. Initially, he will object, but he’ll soon get used to it. And it’s your nanny who’ll enforce the rule anyway. Before you can say washboard abs and carrot cake, you’ll be back to ladies’ lunches and boutique browsing. Problem solved darling. Don’t thank me. Mwah! Mwah!