Dubai’s Ten Top - Great ideas that are in fact foolish

Here are Time Out Dubai’s Ten Top - Great ideas that are in fact foolish. A hilarious list of things you shouldn't do with your life in Dubai

The Knowledge

10. Freezing clothes
It is 45°C outside, so putting a T-shirt in the freezer overnight seems like a sensible thing to do. Perhaps it is, just as long as you don’t mind a few seconds of icy cold, hours of dampness and your body being subjected to a temperature swing shocking enough to make a polar bear flinch. We’re sure there is a genius way to stay cool in the summer, but experience tells us this is not it.

9. Just one more
Going up to, and beyond, your limits is not clever. The general rule should be: if your internal monologue questions whether this is really a good idea, the answer is nearly always it is not. Whether you’re talking about an extra circuit of exercise at the gym, an additional visit to the buffet table, an extra episode of a favourite show during an epic TV marathon or minute in bed, the answer should be quit while you’re ahead.

8. 6am bootcamp
You want to get fit. You want to enjoy the great outdoors. You want to meet new, like-minded people. Those were the reasons for signing up for a pre-sunrise exercise regime. It’s hard to reconcile that memory when you’re listening to a 5am alarm, being chastised by an instructor for lagging too far behind the group and your usual midday slump comes before 10am.

7. 2am Shawarma
Perhaps the exact opposite, but also a contributing factor to early rise exercise is late-night street eats. Returning from a friend’s house late at night, it seems entirely reasonable to pick up snacks for the journey and a little taste boost on the way home. But don’t forget you were at your friend’s place for dinner and picking up half a dozen spicy shawarmas is excessive. If you really are hungry, a piece of fresh fruit at home is 100 percent the better alternative.

6. Must-have items
The limited-edition, rare release, studded wedge shoe that you might have died if you couldn’t have it, sits unworn for months in your closet. In an apartment on which the rent is pushing you so far into debt you can barely afford the payments on your gas-guzzling people carrier. All of the bank-busting purchases you have made in the past five years had a cheaper alternative, and if you had taken the thriftier option, you’d certainly be able to buy the
gold-plated smartphone you’re currently coveting.

5. Leaving work early
It’s Thursday afternoon and you’ve had the worst week ever, so slinking out of the office a few hours early doesn’t sound too naughty. Especially as you promise yourself you’ll come in for a few hours to catch up on paperwork over the weekend. But then you recall how creepy the office is when it’s empty and, most importantly, how comfortable your duvet is, and you never catch up.

4. Just being honest
Confess to your boss that it’s you who has been “borrowing” the posh soap from the executive bathroom? Are you crazy? A little white lie here and there is what keeps society, and your current employment, floating along happily.

3. Summer beach visit
You live in a world where you think freezing clothes is a valid way to stay cool and yet you still consider a trip to the beach “just for an hour or so” to be possible. Try if you want, but don’t be surprised if your sunblock starts to cook you.

2. Changing habit
You always order the same dish, cut your hair the same way and hang out with the same people, because that is what you like. Give into the pressure to experiment and change, and before you know it, a chilli is giving your mouth third-degree burns, you’ve chopped off your beautiful shoulder-length hair and have no idea why the strangers you’re crying in front of aren’t doing a more effective job of making you feel better.

1. Children

After serious discussions you decide bringing another life into the world is a blessing and you will unconditionally love them forever. Then kids come along and they stink up your house, vomit on your clothes, usher in a whole new era of debt and drive a tangible wedge between you and your fun (therefore childless) friends.

Will Milner is a regular contributor. It’s best not to listen to his ideas.

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