1 Q: Where do you find a one legged dog?
A: Where you left it.
2 When you have a fat friend, there are no see-saws, only catapults.
3 Man to wife: ''Boy, you are getting old, look at all the wrinkles you are getting!''
Wife: ''They aren't wrinkles, they're laugh lines!''
Man: ''Nothing is that funny!!'''
4 I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker; I just really like certain songs.
5 Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder.
6 Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7 Two antennae meet on a roof, fall in love and decide to get married. The service wasn't up to much, but the reception was excellent.
8 My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
9 Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
10 About a month ago, I got a cactus, and a week later, it died. I got really depressed because I was like, damn, I am less nurturing than a desert.