Tell us a joke

We’ve scoured the <em>Time Out</em> newsroom for some jokes for you. Here are 10 to start you off. Can you do better?

The Knowledge

1 Q: Where do you find a one legged dog?
A: Where you left it.

2 When you have a fat friend, there are no see-saws, only catapults.

3 Man to wife: ''Boy, you are getting old, look at all the wrinkles you are getting!''
Wife: ''They aren't wrinkles, they're laugh lines!''
Man: ''Nothing is that funny!!'''

4 I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker; I just really like certain songs.

5 Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder.

6 Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7 Two antennae meet on a roof, fall in love and decide to get married. The service wasn't up to much, but the reception was excellent.

8 My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

9 Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

10 About a month ago, I got a cactus, and a week later, it died. I got really depressed because I was like, damn, I am less nurturing than a desert.

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