The dark bite

The Dark Knight is one of the best films of 2008 but just where would Batman dine in Dubai?

Special features

Bruce Wayne
For a man about town like myself, it’s all about the scene, and where has a better scene than Vu’s Bar at the Emirates Towers? The sleek structures are ultra modern, and as the staff at Wayne Enterprises know, I’m all about forward-thinking. From the 50th floor, the view is amazing (I like being able to see everything happening on the streets below). Plus, the place is filled with foxy socialites in expensive heels, which makes me feel right at home. You gotta love Vu’s strict dress code. Bad guys have an annoying habit of gate-crashing my parties, but at Vu’s I’m pretty confident the Joker’s purple lapels wouldn’t make it past the front door.

Vu’s Bar, Jumeirah Emirates Towers (04 319 8088). Open 12 noon-2.45pm, 7.30pm-11.30pm every day.

Quiet nights do exist in Gotham. There are weeks when the city’s super villains seem to go on holiday (after dealing with me, that is). It’s rare that I go out on these nights, but when I do, I prefer a discreet setting to enjoy a glass of cognac and a fine cigar. The Cigar Bar never fails to supply me in these simple pleasures. I also love the venue’s cellar-like decor – it reminds me of my cave.

The Cigar Bar, Fairmont Hotel (04 332 5555). Open 6pm-12 midnight daily. All major credit cards accepted.

When not looking after Master Bruce, it’s always rather nice to have someone looking after me. When the master leaves the manor, I like to nip out to the Lobby Lounge for a spot of afternoon tea. The waiters are appropriately doting and the leaf tea – no bags for me, please – is served as it should be, which is to say, brewed in a silver teapot and accompanied with finest cut sandwiches. Gotham City itself has never offered quite such a refined assortment.

Lobby Lounge, The Ritz-Carlton Dubai (04 399 4000). Tea is served daily 2pm-6pm.

Riddle me this… what goes up in smoke and melts on your tongue? A meal that’s as mad as me. In other words, a meal at Tang. Even I can’t solve the puzzle of how they come up with so many daring concoctions (tobacco ice cream, anyone?). If ever there were a food as fun as a riddle, it’s a dinner that resembles a science experiment.

Tang, Le Meridien Mina Seyahi (04 399 3333). All major credit cards accepted. Brunch is served Fridays 12.30pm-3.30pm.

When I go out to eat I like to stalk my prey. Short of going to the Karama fish market (where the catch is already dead, so no fun at all to eat), the chase for a decent meal can be a game of cat and mouse. I chose to skip the restaurant scene all together and, meow, hunt myself some crabs at Umm Al Quwain. After boarding the tour bus at 4.30pm, I hit battle the crabs, claw-to-claw. Take it from me, nothing beats the thrill of devouring a fresh kill.

Crab hunting tours cost Dhs280 and leave from Dubai at 4.30pm every day. To book, go to or call 04 334 4330/335 7676.

Poison Ivy
For me, the perfect meal is all about the company, and as I prefer to communicate with plant life, I venture to the Madinat’s new vegetarian restaurant, Magnolia. The dishes are well balanced, meaning I get to talk to a diverse crowd. And as all the food is organic, my dinner guests are all in touch with their roots.

Souk Madinat Jumeirah (04 366 8888). Open 7pm-11:30pm, Sun-Thu 12noon-3pm daily. All major credit cards accepted.

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