How to bluff your way through a football match

Pretend you know what you're talking about with these easy tips

Dubai’s Allstars amateur football team provide a few handy tips for surviving the rest of the 2014 FIFA World Cup
• If anyone asks you if a certain team will win, you will never be wrong if you say, ‘on their day, they can certainly beat anyone’.

• Rather than follow the crowd and go ‘ooooh’ every time there is a close chance, don’t say anything and act really zen. People will think you’ve seen it all before.

• If you continually refer to the good old days of 4-4-2 and when fullbacks could defend, people will look at you like they look at wise old men.

• If you support England, or any other team that usually struggles to make it beyond the quarter finals, these common musings will stand you in good stead. ‘Why aren’t the players signing the national anthem?’. ‘Why can’t our midfielders hold on to the ball?’. ‘We look tired – we need a winter break.’ If your team don’t make it through the group stages you can say, ‘at least we didn’t go out on penalties’.

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